We Can Work It Out: When Partners Disagree
Lisa P. - November 25th, 2009
He wants one thing, she wants another. When making a decision about something as significant as a pregnancy, expect the discussion to be difficult and the results to have a critical effect on the relationship.
- Be wary of half-hearted compromises. Unlike choosing a dinner restaurant, if one partner is unhappy with the decision, he or she will not be able to brush it off—resentment almost always follows. Adding resentment to the other emotional adjustments that follow a pregnancy crisis can cause even a strong relationship to break down.
- Search yourselves. If she really wants to keep the baby, can you also become excited about it, or will you be angry about the increased responsibility in your lives? If he really wants an abortion, can you agree wholeheartedly, or will you later blame him for “making you” go through with it? Be honest with yourself and your partner about how you might react to the choices you’re considering.
- Listen. When one partner feels like their voice is not heard, it’s especially easy to blame the other person. Each person has to practice good listening. When you listen well to your significant other, you can help him or her to calm down and listen well to you.
- Don’t rush. Good communication takes time. When the conversation gets heated, take a break. Sleep on it. Talk again.
- Work together. Remember that both partners actually want the same thing: a decision they can live with and not regret. Try thinking of it as a problem you both want to solve, not a fight you both want to win. Once you’re working as a team, be creative problem-solvers together.
